Books & Audiobooks
In 2010, the hit documentary Catfish starring Nev Schulman hit the screens. It followed Nev as he navigated an online relationship with a seemingly perfect woman who (spoiler alert) turned out to be a completely different person. The vague idea of someone pretending to be someone else online wasn’t necessarily new but the movie did bring the issue into the spotlight, spawning a successful television show with the same name, which has educated many on the dangers of virtual relationships. How do you know who you’re really talking to when you only speak to them digitally?
Just one year after Catfish premiered on the big screen, a New Yorker named Anna Akbari was beginning a relationship with a man named Ethan. Ethan was attractive, successful, and emotionally available. They met on a dating site and even though they were both eager to meet in person, their timing was terrible; Ethan travelled for work and Anna had a trip to California planned, so their face-to-face date would have to wait for a week. And then another, and another…. Ethan seemed to be an expert at writing long romantic messages to keep a woman hooked while dodging every opportunity to bring that romance to the real world. He implored many tactics to keep Anna at bay, including a cancer diagnosis and subsequent medical issues that would occupy him for just a little while longer.
He was so adept at this that he was able to do the exact same thing to many different women, sometimes simultaneously and across continents. There was also British Anna (he clearly had a type) and Gina from Philadelphia. There were more, but these three women were the main subjects of this book, and were the ones to ultimately catch the catfish. Three educated, successful women were tricked by a total stranger for years before they were finally able to see through the facade and solve the mystery that was Ethan. While reading this book I was often baffled by their patience, especially as the emotional roller coaster that was their relationships with this virtual partner had real world consequences to their mental and physical wellbeing. Why would you tolerate the last-minute cancellations and emotional baggage that was Ethan? Why would a smart woman with a full life let herself be sucked into this emotional black hole with no real end in sight? For love, of course.
There is No Ethan is not simply the true story of three women investigating a modern-day emotional swindler, but also a testament to the power that infatuation has on us as humans. We crave closeness and, even if it’s through a keyboard, will do anything to keep it. Despite so many red flags and other options, these women remained because they truly cared for Ethan. It certainly helped that he was extremely skilled at emotional manipulation and would prey on their empathy and care for him at every turn. Even once the jig was up and the truth revealed it was difficult to let go of this imagined relationship. When you spend years growing attached to someone, even if it turns out to be a totally fictional character, grieving that loss can be immense.
While it may have been easier to shrink away and hide this embarrassing, painful part of their lives, these women instead chose to share it with the world. 2011 may not seem like very long ago but it truly was the wild west of the internet. Today we like to think that we know better than to be fooled by an internet trickster, but I’m sure that many of these women thought the same. Perhaps by documenting their turmoil these women will prevent others from falling for the same tricks. There is No Ethan is an unflinching testament to the power that a relationship can have on your entire being even when you’ve never actually met. Written by the aforementioned Anna Akbari, who tells this story with honesty and intelligence, There is No Ethan had me enthralled from cover to cover.